I think I am finally ready to share publicly something that only a few people know, that I have started running regularly again.

Nothing too crazy but it is a start.

It all began mid summer, when I was dressed to go running after a birthday party, one of my friends asked me about how much I run and how often. At the time I was only running 2x per week and hitting the gym for exercise/weight lifting classes another one or two days. My mileage totals for the week had been only between 6-10 miles. She said she was starting to run at the recommendation of her doctor, she was doing a "couch to 5k" program and she was in week 4. She described how proud of herself she was because she has never been a runner and that each time she finishes a run how great she feels!!

Another few friends joined in the conversation and it turned out that of the five of us, we all could support each other to help ourselves to get in better shape. We agreed to run one race in October, one in November, and one in December. We would commit to completing those and then maybe set some new goals.

That weekend the five of us were going away to Deep Creek Lake, we decided to bring our running clothes and start our training. It was time to exercise, we all got ready. One of the ladies has run a few marathons and two months previously, ran a marathon in Nashville. In my arrogance I thought, "I have been running a little bit and hitting the gym...I can run 4-5 miles with her." She said she was going to run slowly and as far as I wanted because she was nursing an injury so I figured it wouldn't/couldn't be too bad.

HA!!

Unfortunately, our run was in the mountains of Western Maryland and had hills steeper and longer then I have seen in many years - there are certainly not any hills like this on my treadmill in the basement!! So, after 3 miles at barely a 9:30 pace - I had to throw in the towel and walk.

It was humiliating... but in a good way. It was my wake up call, that I was not in as good of shape as I thought. I am lucky, I have generally been able to hop on the treadmill or on the canal or rail trail and run a quick 3-4 miles at a 9:30 pace - but this showed me that I am not nearly in the shape I think I am in!!!

From that weekend forward I have been running 4-5 times a week. I didn't want to talk about it much because of fear of failure...

"what if i quit? why is 3 miles so hard? what if i am not any good? no matter how good I get, I will NEVER be able to run like I did in high school. how can I be proud of myself for running 15 miles in a week when that used to take me two days to cover that distance in college. what am i accomplishing if a 6 mile run takes me 54 minutes when i once did it in under 40 minutes. i read all about people who i used to race against and know doing amazing things running, a 5k is nothing to compare to that. nothing i accomplish now will ever compare to what i did in the past...not that i accomplished anything, i quit in college because i couldn't make it. this running brings up too many bad memories of quitting, pain, i suck ... i shouldn't even start this."

Lets face it, I am a head case - always have been - probably always will be. . .but each run starts with a first step and I want my kids to see me as a healthy individual. That is very important to me, I want them to appreciate exercise as a fun part of life.

The first steps had a few stumbles...It was hard to put all my baggage down and just run. It has been a tough road back. At first I tried to make it into a big competition and I was "going for" the lady who runs marathons. In my mind, she runs marathons but I can catch her in a 5k. So I started training too hard, running too fast on my slow days, adding extra miles when I didn't need to and basically not enjoying myself and beating myself up for not accomplishing what I wanted. After three weeks, one of my friends called me out on my behaviors and at first I was pissed (imagine that) - but then after thinking about it - she was right. Each of us should have individual goals and if this is to be a "life change goal" then I need to enjoy myself and not be such an "angry runner."

I need to allow myself to run when I have time to and as I feel like it, run with the intensity that I have on that given day, and try to look around once in a while and enjoy myself. I need to STOP beating myself up over what I used to do and STOP comparing myself to the past. I am a mother of two wonderful kids, wife to an amazing husband, have a loving extended family and I wouldn't change one ounce of my life. I am truly blessed to have everything I ever wanted in my life. SO --->>>> I am going to do.....what I can do.

Today I completed 8 miles, for the second week in a row. I have not run 8 miles without stopping since 1995 and now I have done it two weeks in a row. If there would not have been people all around me I would have screamed at the top of my lungs, "I DID IT!!!!!" (I did tear up a little in the car.) I am so glad and internally proud of myself that I have come this far that I had to share!

Here is the training program I am supposed to be following on Cool Running. I use it as a guide more then following it exactly. I increase my mileage sometimes and skip some workouts due to weather or life. It is really hard to run during the week, my work schedule, Dave's work schedule, the kids activity schedule, my "fun" time is limited and still includes golf. I also need to find time to get Dave out for his Mountain Bike Training (he has a race next weekend). It is also impossible to run directly from the house, no shoulders on the road, blind turns, and speeding drivers. I usually run on the canal, on the Western Maryland Rail Trail, at local parks with running/bike paths, in the woods on trail runs, and once in a while I drive 2.5 miles from the house, park at the dog's vet and run along the shoulder of the road from there all of these locations are wonderful but include travel time. Then there is also the treadmill in the basement - for some reason I can run faster there then on any outside runs?!?!

There are still about six weeks until the October race, who knows what will happen in my training between now and then but my goal for that race is to break 24 minutes for the 5k. I want to run about 7:45 per mile.

October Race Details: Headless Horseman

Not sure about the November race yet but I know the December race is sponsored by Godiva Chocolate and I saw pictures of chocolate fountains for the post race party :-)

I am going to post my running log on one of my "side bars" on the blog. If you want to keep up with what I am running you can check my blog.

I wanted to take a second to thank my friends who are doing this with me (endlessly texting me good job and calling me out on my BS), my family who is so supportive (Good Job Mommy!! Go Faster Mommy!!), and my past coach for being a positive voice in my head (you don't know it but you are with me on many of my runs).

For many people this is not a big deal - for some this is a huge deal - for me, it isn't my "identity" as it once was - it just is something I am doing for fun.